mobile phones – The Harlam Colloughts Page

Smartphones, a good thing or something worse? With them has come one of the biggest changes to human society without a doubt. We here at Harlam believe this modern day age of communications, which may offer some benefits, also introduces several new truly awful afflictions. Quite a few in fact, prompting us to take some time to define them here for you today. In this post we would like to bring your attention to these, well almost disease like afflictions, in order to educate you about them. Perhaps in seeing the symptoms you may be lucky enough to catch yours early in order to resolve it before it completely ruins life.

Sphind

(Smartphone Blindness). This is one that can cause injury, either to the one suffering from it, or to others who are just innocent victims of it. The symptom of this one is seen in the one suffering walking along but their gaze is transfixed upon their Smartphone. Resulting in the effect that they walk into others without seeing them.

In very severe cases they have been known to end up so stricken with Sphind that they have ended up in a different City when simply trying to get to the local shop for some milk.

Please read our full report on this in our previous blog post Sphind – A Modern Day Affliction

Sphantaviour

(Smartphone Anti Social Behaviour). Of all the new afflictions that these modern day devices of Satan have unleashed, Harlam find this one the most heart breaking of all.

We see this everywhere within modern groups who are out to socialise, interact with other human beings as is their natural behaviour. Yet somehow this little electronic parasite infects them, causing them to retreat back within their own anti social world.

How often do you, (Well those of you who don’t suffer from this horrible epidemic of course), see those who do sat at the same table in a social gathering, rather than talking to those right next to them, are conversing with someone else in the ether using this devilish Smartphone.

What really makes us sad of heart here though is how this affects those supposedly out on a romantic tryst. Here the heart, soul and mind should be focused on the object of your love, enjoying loving chat with, as is the age old human pre mating way. But no, instead they sit there opposite each other over a meal, coffee, drinks for two not gazing into each others eyes as nature intended sharing that magical moment but down at that screen.

They would be better off just staying at home, saving the expense of the romantic setting, messaging each other on the device that causes this sad affliction, whilst ignoring their family around them! (Perhaps the lesser form of this horrible affliction?)

Spolexia

(Smartphone Dyslexia), Lamo himself has fallen pray to this one, with his paws not being the best things to use to type messages on Smartphones. After all one form of pad on another is definitely asking for the creation of inbred messages.

He will be thumping away on the electronic keyboard that has letters that are like grains of sand to his furry extremities, unaware he has tapped on the letter next to the one actually needed. Where such a beautiful word as, “love” in a message of heartfelt sentiment becomes, “lice”, which completely changes the tone of what is being conveyed.

Sphumb

(Smartphone Thumb). Evolution will have life adapt to the ever changing surroundings in which it lives. Lets face it technology has changed humanities environment beyond all recognition of sanity if we are honest.

From our crawling out of the primeval oceans as we dragged our sorry arses on to the lands of this world. As we went from walking on all fours to our erect bipedal stature of today so has the smartphone begun to change our future evolution to come.

As more of the population succumb to this viral epidemic of modern communication, our thumbs are becoming mutated by its unending speed of attack.

Each letter our thumbs hammer out, as fast as a bacteria grows by division, develops its muscle and shape. Slowly as the generations become more integrated with these electronic extensions of their lives, so the thumb becomes larger with it.

One advantage of course is when the smartphone breaks, taking your Uber app with it, you will be able to hitch hike a lift far more easily with a thumb this size.

Sphautlexia

(Smartphone Autocorrect Dyslexia). This is the one that proves without doubt that Skynet will soon exist bringing with it the supposed fictitious judgement day, as it’s ever developing parasitical artificial intelligence hatred of humans develops under the skin of our extended limb.

You’ll be typing away completely oblivious to the fact the auto correct has changed the word you wanted to write for one it thinks will cause the most upset to the recipient of the message. Whilst it builds up to the, “Global Thermal Nuclear War”, app which it will then use to launch judgement day, it will content itself with causing both embarrassment and conflict between us Smartphone addicted users.

Final Thought

Humanity is becoming consumed by technology, none more so than this little electronic parasite that infests our every day life now. We at Harlam have started to wonder if we are too late now and humans will not be able to survive without it for having formed a symbiotic relationship with it.

We fear if there was now some cosmic disaster which wiped technology from the world, humanity would not survive. For it would be almost like having our very hearts pulled from our bodies due to our unnatural reliance on it. Ask yourself, how long could you survive without your smartphone today? We think if you give it serious thought, the answer will scare you, as it should.

Is it too late to find a cure to these technological afflictions or will the Earth finally be inherited by those who are immune to the false ease of life they actually bring?

(c) Harlin and Lamo The Lion

Please feel free to use the Harlam terms we have defined but if you do then please reference us as the originators and copyright holders.

Thank you.

As long as humanity has existed we have developed in various ages over the millennia with each bringing their gains to society and technological advances. Like all things though there is usually a flip side to the coin of course, (Well all coins have a heads and tails right?), our developmental ages being no different. Each brought their individual problems, none more so than new diseases, afflictions and negative affects on the human race’s health. (Such as pollution from modern industry!). The technology age we are experiencing is not different with one particular affliction we describe in this Harlam post.

We seriously think that the modern age society has one big new affliction, people are going, “Smart Phone Blind“, or Sphind is the term Harlam have given it. This is because both of us have seen this across two whole continents, (So it is technically an Epidemic.), that when we walk down the street it always amazes us how many people can’t even do this without having to be looking at their Smart Phone all the time. In effect not looking where they are going, thus being blind to everything going on around them.

As Harlin pointed out, it also means they miss all the wonder of that around them having Sphind as well. As this affliction means they don’t, “Stop and smell the roses“, as the saying goes. But this is a whole other Blog in it’s own right that we will publish later because is not just related to having Sphind.

The number of times we have to move one way or the other else they would simply walk straight into us, (Sorry crash), is well ludicrous. Jeez do these people drive the same way? Where it has now been banned as it is so dangerous to humans. We seriously think there should be a ban from using Smart Phones on the streets to now. Its has become a serious health hazard to us normal people that can live without being constantly glued to the screen, well we may hear an alert, like Lamo’s Pokeharlin going of. But then, being a safety conscious Lion, he will find a safe place to stop, park his carcas to then type back to Harlin. (Or vice versa as Harlin is safety conscious to!)

When we say normal, perhaps we are now the minority, those that do not have Sphind as they now seem to be the more dominant evolving species among us! Spheesons, (Smart Phone Free Persons), is the term Harlam apply to those who are free of this prevalent Sphind affliction, who can do normal things, like walk down the street without having to have their smart phone glued to their face!

We are thinking, either ban their use whilst traversing London’s pavements, (Or any major metropolitan city of course.), better yet they should have special “Smart Phone Lanes”, Sphanes, so those that have Sphind can just crash into each other leaving the rest of us to walk in comparative safety?

Maybe they could use the Smart Phone and have a picture in picture video app for the forward facing camera, so they can see the oncoming people traffic? Maybe even have the app show red when they are about to crash in to a person that does not have the Sphind affliction? If they are smart enough to create the medical issue, then perhaps the very same thing can be used to solve the ever growing epidemic?

Which ever solution, something needs to be done in today’s society for this new affliction, Sphind, in order to drastically recuse the number of pavement accidents that we see happening to innocent Spheeson victims these days! We say, let all us Spheesons stand together and demand action against the dangers presented us by those with Sphind.